


State Line Crossing

by wormghost



Category: Star Wars Episode VII: The Force Awakens (2015)
Genre: Character Study, Gen, Implied Poe Dameron/Finn, Implied Rey/Finn, Poetry, Slam Poetry, sort of
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-02-05
Updated: 2016-02-05
Packaged: 2018-05-18 10:48:58
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 539
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5925690
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/wormghost/pseuds/wormghost
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>a slam poem from Finn's perspective to the First Order and his past</p>
            </blockquote>





	State Line Crossing

**Author's Note:**

> EDIT: I made some changes and added a couple lines as well as spacing some stuff out so the rhythm is more clear

I stand on this border 

with my feet straddling a state line, 

a boundary between your cold world and everything else, 

and it is not moral conflict that keeps me from taking the half-step forward 

but the fear of what you might do if I don’t stay.

Because nobody ever named me as a baby, 

and you were the one who raised me, 

who told me: “Kid, you’re only one particle in the tissues of one part of me.”

My siblings were so proud to be what you wanted them to be

They cheered when you wheeled in a classroom TV 

played us videos of a war and called it victory.

They kept their masks and armor clean

buried bullets in their identities and wore serial numbers like badges of their make-believe bravery but I

Have always worn my number like a stain on my clothes, 

have stood beside the bedside of my wounded individuality 

while my brothers pulled the plugs on theirs and I

Have always kept a list of places I might get to see if one day when I die,

whatever forces operate the cosmic machine decide to rebuild my empty shell 

into an updated version of me.

I think my body is on autopilot

It takes the half-step for me as I laugh automatically,

like electricity

At how easy

it is to forgive my enemy when my only reason to hate them was never mine in the first place.

And how easily

I can love a person who gives names to numbers 

and who holds out a hand says “follow me,” like there’s even a chance we won’t be shot down in 10 seconds tops and

Good god, 

why does love feel so much like falling?

If I had a family to say goodbye to I’d be calling them right about now because i can feel my bones breaking on the ground before we’ve even made contact

and I know

My airplane heart will crash and bury its scrap metal like shrapnel inside the skin

of the first person to find the wreckage of me.

I am so afraid of what you might do when you catch me,

I know you will catch me, 

but I’ll be damned if you catch me 

without getting a proper fight first.

I am fighting a war

and I know the war is winning but 

I will tear up my knuckles on your steel teeth,

Declare independence with my fists and tell you

“This is me”

I’ll carve this name of mine into my heart

and backwards onto your forehead if I have to

so you’ll never look into another mirror

without reading me across your face

so you never forget what you couldn’t quite kill.

The last thing I could ever let myself do

is belong to you. I would rather run

As far as my breaking legs will get me

I will let you chase me

And when you get me where you want me, on the edge of a cliff, yes 

I will be afraid to step back and let go.

But I swear I will jump.

I know I can’t fly but when I fall it will feel like love,

So I’ll let myself fall.

**Author's Note:**

> this would definitely sound a lot better as audio rather than just reading it off a page and eventually I'm gonna do a recording of me reading it but hopefully it doesn't sound too weird and you can get a sense of the rhythm of it on your own.


End file.
